Are we in a gay sports bar?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
