oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
