you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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