My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
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there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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