I just saw a hot homeless man
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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