Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
