small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
