I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
