I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
