I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
