you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
