Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
