I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
I dont know to explain this.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
