I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
