Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
