So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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