So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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