you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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