Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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