how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
