sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
