need another drink. this is the easiest way
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
