her vagina looked like bernie madoff
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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