I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
