Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
