btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I want her autograph on my taint
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
