I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
