She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
