The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
