i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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