Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
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