The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
