Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
