that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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