My room smells like vodka and shame
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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