nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
