were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
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Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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