Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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