The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
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My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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