Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
