I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
