Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
