I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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