mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
