thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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