I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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