girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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