she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I am one with the molecules
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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