so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
