that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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