My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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