3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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