Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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