Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
