Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize