I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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