So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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