mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
