I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
