Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
