just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
cat food counts as protein by the way
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
