Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
