but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize