i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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