the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
