All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
last night I used snow as a chaser
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