my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
