You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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