You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
