Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
