Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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