you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
