piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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