u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
