Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
vagina is talking i cant
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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