yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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