So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
