I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize