And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
