The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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