True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
