I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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